Such a revealing season. Much need for true repentance.
This past week was a blur and hands down the most challenging week of my life. I thought I was most afraid of the pain of going through labor, but that was only a preview of what was to come. My pregnancy and labor and delivery process though was, by the grace of God, much smoother than expected.
My Birth Story
My water broke on 8/23 @ 440a and I immediately called the hospital to ask if I should come in. I did not feel any contractions at this time. They said that I should come in, but that they are on diversion, and that they are so backed up with patients that I might have to wait quite a long time. The other hospitals around the area were experiencing the same thing. I took a quick shower and we headed to Kaiser on Sunset. Peter and I went to triage where we found that I was already 4cm dilated. We waited to be admitted into a room for about 6 hrs. Upon admission, I was started on augmentation at around 1230p. The contractions became unbearable around 530p and I got an epidural which was pretty amazing. At 12am, I was ready to push because Levi was already crowning. After about 35 minutes, he was out! It was surreal…
It was the beginning of challenges… I felt new areas of pain in my body. But the biggest challenge was not really being informed of the realities of breastfeeding. I just thought oh if I have milk then I’ll just feed him for a few months until I have to wean him off before I return to work. I was definitely NOT ready for the pains of engorgement, not sleeping, feeling like a failure at positioning him well to latch, the sore and tender nipples, baby losing weight, and etc. So today, I finally broke down. I did not feel adequate as a mother. I felt helpless. But I was received with love and care from those around me affirming that I’m doing my best, and to reach out for help if I need it. Another crying sesh in the shower, but this time due to thankfulness. Only for the sesh to be cut short when my husband’s phone connected to the Bluetooth speaker in the bathroom and started playing sound effects from the game he was playing on his phone… he later told me that it was the sound of chicken fighting pirates lol
Anyways, welcome to the world Levi 승현 Myung! Praying that Peter and I can be faithful parents in teaching him the gospel and that he will be saved. And… for strength and dependence on Him through it all!
Me: *rams right foot into door frame after taking contacts off, screams, and jumps over husband onto the bed*
Me (screaming): IT HURTS! CAN YOU CHECK IF MY “TOES MOVE”?
Husband: CODE BLUE!!!
Note to self
“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. ” 1 Peter 5:8-11
Also, to pray for our pastor and the brethren.
Missing you, sweetest Baby
4/25/2011 - 09/14/2020
Thank you so much for being in our lives and giving us endless joy and love. We love and miss you so much, dearest Baby ♡
It’s currently past my bedtime for work tomorrow. Here I am on Tumblr while my husband is washing dishes. Today, I had an emotional outburst towards him, blaming him for my shortcomings in caring for the home. It started out as small and dumb as me ringing the doorbell for him to open the door because my arms were full of heavy groceries, and him not hearing it and not opening it. I knew I was hungry and tired at the time. Raging at the sight of the rest of the napkins not put away after the napkin holder was filled by him. Raging at the sight of unsorted junk mail sitting on our dining table for days. I was also the one who invited guests over in the middle of the week and was overwhelmed by the list of things to do during the day. He served alongside joyfully without complaint; I was ungrateful. Even through all this, he was patient and asked me how he could better serve me…
This was a rough week so far. Hearing of a fellow coworker’s husband’s death. Another coworker’s husband intubated. Another coworker discriminated against because of her pregnancy. My first code blue and the patient not making it. My mom’s stressful return to work. My poor sick Baby. I don’t really do well with stress at all… especially when I’m not depending on God.
Got to listen to a brief talk by JMac today regarding work. It’s been unsettling with the bad news as well as the upcoming surveys and the changes with the new management. But regardless, as Christians, we are to work for the glory of God in our workplaces. We are to be submissive to those in authority. It’s really been a struggle to honor God in the workplace, but definitely something that’s been on my mind and in prayers.
Psalms 44
He has been faithful in the days of old, and even now. He is the one who allows afflictions upon our lives, yet He is still a good God. He knows all the secrets in our hearts that we hide from men.
“All this has come upon us, but we have not forgotten You, And we have not dealt false with Your covenant. Our heart has not turned back, And our steps have not deviated from Your way,” Psalms 44:17-18
I want to confidently be able to say and mean this.
It all goes back to the Gospel..
She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which translated means, “God with us.”
Matthew 1:21-23
When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him.
Matthew 2:10-11
He was and is worthy of all our joy and praise
As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; When shall I come and appear before God? Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him. For the help of His presence.
Psalms 42:1-2, 5
A lack of desire for the Word and spending time with God this week.. I wish for a soul that pants for God. Even though life isn’t particularly of despair, there is an emptiness within my soul when I do not seek and hope in God. What a fool I am.. praying for God to help me hope in Him..